4:22AM
i’m finally home from camp. as much fun as i had, i was becoming homesick and beginning to miss the constant feeling of you being there with and for me. i have to tell you, this camp has changed my life. it is truly something i will remember for the rest of my life. for the rest of my days spent on this earth. becasue before last night, i had never felt like god had truly touched me or my heart. i spoke in tongues for the first time. it was one of the most amazing- yet craziest experiences i’ve ever been through. i feel like no one will ever truly understand what i felt last night, and that it will be the most difficult thing, trying to explain it to them. but now- i know. i know that god has a plan for me, and my life. i have dozens of people praying for and with me. telling me i was seen as a leader through god’s eyes, and that i will do great things. i had people i didn’t even know, praying for me, speaking in tongues with me. and i couldn’t have felt more at home than at that moment. last night was the night i finally was set free. a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, my chest, and my heart. i have never felt so cleansed. i feel as if he came into my body, and just took over. those weren’t my words last night, they were his. he was using me as a source to spread his word, and let the world know that he is alive, and he lives in us. -i’m scared of people thinking i’m crazy now, and losing the people i love, or making them think differently of me. i’m still the same person, only now i know he’s here, and always will be. that he will guide me through the darkness, and into the light. he’s already brightened my life so much.
anywho- i just wanted to tell you how much i missed you while i was gone. i was thinking about you all the time, and just hoping to come see you soon and everything. i love you so much, and i care about you so much. because i know that when everyone else is gone, you’ll still be there. you always have been and always will be. i’m so excited to see you in a couple days, but at the same time- i’m more nervous than i think i’ve ever been. you’re so perfect, and i don’t want to lose you, nor mess up what we have now. i know that things are meant to be this way, because if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be. i know that oneday, i’m going to want to marry you, and spend my life with you. to make you breakfast and take care of you when you’re sick. i love you so much, you will probably never understand or feel the exact same things i am feeling, because this is more true and more pure than anything in my life right now. all i know is that i love you, and i know this is what i need, and want.
always and forever, my dearest love. ps- thank you for always putting up with my million word/page long stories. i love you, baby.
